look no pants
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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