i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
