can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
