omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
