He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
