So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
