I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
