I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize