I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
