2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
