ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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