i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
