he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
