What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
