I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
