I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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