I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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