Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
