My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize