then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
