peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
