her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
