yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
