I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
