Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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