the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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