I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
