I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm at about main and main street
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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