someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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