i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So many bounce houses so little time
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
