The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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