I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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