Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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