Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
