I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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