the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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