my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
