Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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