O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
