she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
