Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
