# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
