lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize