Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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