I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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