3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
