we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
