i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
