I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
