you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
