You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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