Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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