Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
