I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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