So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
