Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
