Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
