I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
