Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
