if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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