Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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