i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
