So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
